A Comeback

Well, it's been about six years since I updated this thing. I have been so busy it's been ridiculous.

Exciting Things That Have Happened To Me:

1. I was made Supervisor at work. Awesome.

2. I am now a Student Ambassador too, which means I get to tech kids stuff, and show them round on Open Days and such. It's all kinds of awesome and I've made so many friends.

3. I am now the marketing co-ordinator of the uni Wine Society. How awesome!

4. Sam and I are still blissfully happy. I love that boy more and more every day.

5. Saw Romeo and Juliet at the Globe. That was great. I <3 Ice.

6. Other stuff that I probably can't remember.

It's now that time of year where everyone is going mental trying to get their uni work done. Including me. Add two jobs in there as well as a social life and I'm pretty exhausted all the time. But I'm happy, so it's a good exhausted.

Life is awesome this end! But how are you? x

This week went wrong.

I'm not quite sure what happened but I've been awful this week at going to uni, and instead have got too drunk. I didn't see Sam much over the first half of the week so decided I'd go to New Noise on Wednesday night after work. I actually had a lot of fun, I wasn't very drunk because I'd been at work and only got to the club at midnight, but in a way it was nice being a little bit tipsy rather than terribly drunk. Note to self - drink less when out.

Had work the next day, then in the evening I'd offered to host Rock n Roll Bingo at Knight's Park barin return for a few drinks. Sam came and helped me. I was really nervous to begin with because I get a bit shy when speaking in public, and thought pretty much no one was gonna want to get involved - but everyone in the bar joined in, and my confidence just got more and more as we went on. It was REALLY awesome. People were coming up to me afterwards saying how great it was and when were we going to do it again. Stoked on that! One of my lesbians won though, which I thought was quite funny. Bet everyone thought I'd rigged it.

I'm not sure how it happened, but I ended up battered that night. I didn't really drink much, maybe five drinks? I hadn't eaten anything that day, so perhaps that's why, but my GOD I was so ill. I was really sick that night and fell over on the way home according to Sam. Literally really confused me, considering the relatively small amount I'd had and I got so ill. Didn't feel very well yesterday at all.

Saturday now, and it's finally time for the massive girly night out we've been planning for a few weeks. Even Faridah is coming which is massively brilliant - good timing too as she's just broken up with the boy so needs some loving. Meeting at Holborn at about half 8 then off to Aterskool. EXCITED.

Despite being crap at going to uni this week I handed in the first assignment of this term on Wednesday, and if I do say so myself, it was really bloody good. I worked really hard and got some good quotes (it was a news story fo a journalism module).

Next week I am going to be better and go to all my lectures. Thursday night will be awesome fun though; it's Tamsin's birthday so I'm going into London with her and the other gays and we're going to the SE1 club in London Bridge, which is sort of like an art gallery also, to see some special screening of the Watchmen. Apparently a semi famous band are playing too. It's all very mysterious.

I've also sorted an awesome surprise for Sam which will hopefully happen sometime next week. He's going mad trying to figure out what it is. Lulz.

I.AM.DYING.

NEVER.DRINKING.AGAIN.

Been a while..

Yo!

I've been out doing lots of fun stuff, hence not writing on here for a while. Also, work and uni has been H E C T I C this week. I've taken on extra shifts at a bar on the other campus at uni, which is good for monies, but bad for sleepies. So have been very tired this week. Also been dead good at uni and have been doing all the work and so on like a nerd. Course, this has all made me exhausted, but on the other hand my sleeping pattern has sorted itself out, and when I went out last night I really let my hair down and properly felt as if I deserved to, which was hugely satisfying.

I finished work just gone midnight on Friday, and Sam was a darling and met me so I didn't have to walk home in the dark by myself (I'd missed the last bus). We got back and I had a well deserved gin and a roll up, and then we watched the third episode of Boys and Girls Alone. Normally, I wouldn't touch programmes like this with a barge pole - it's basically Big Brother but with kids. But holy mother of crap, you guys - it is absoutely brilliantly superbly hysterically funny. I demand you all go and 4OD it immediately. The third episode is definitely the best so far; I was literally crying with laughter at some of the stuff the kids were coming out with. Brilliant stuff. Last episode this week though, very sad times.

Saturday we had a nice lie in , then went into London. I took Sam to Borough Market as it is the mos incredible food market I've ever been to and he'd never gone before. You should go too. We bought awesome Jamaican patties for our lunch (we wanted ostrich burgers but the queues were mental) and ate them in a beer garden on the Thames, right next to Francis Drake's boat, the Armada. That was super cool. Then we walked right along the river from London Bridge to Southwark, past the Globe and the Tate and so on, which was really awesome. We have decided we want to live in the Oxo Building, and Sam introduced me to a great second hand book market, which had me far too excited.

Sam went off to Notting Hill to a gig about half five so I went and met Rey, Millsy and Chaddock for some drinks off Oxford Street. Ended up in the John Snow and miraculously got seats. Shock!! Had a few bevvies, Sam met us later, and then we all headed to Afterskool. I got battered for a ridiculously small amount of money - three pints for £3.60? Cant argue with that. God Bless half price drink hour.

Was good to see lots of people - especially Rosie, who has been horribly absent for a while - and Sam and I both fell asleep on the nightbus so the usual nightmarish hour journey home was absolutely a success. Apparently I had a mini strop walking down Oxford Street as we saw an (www N87 drive past and I was absolutely adamant that it was the very last nightbus and there were no more ever. I'm amazing.

I'm finally caught up with Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) which is very sad, as now I only get one comic a day. Boo hiss. Does mean I'll use my spare time more constructively though. Maybe.

Have still been feeling a bit weird about the whole SamgoingtoseeDerrenBrownwithhisfamilyandhisex thing. In general I'm not bothered, but every now and again I remember and it makes my tummy go all blurgh. I don't like that it bothers me. I had a five minute emotional freak-out on Sam last night at the club. It started out of nowhere, I ranted for about three minutes, then promptly became a normal human being again. I think Sam finds me funny when I do that. Pfft.

This week will be mainly uni work, bar work, eat, sleep, repeat. I miiiiiiight go to New Noise on Wednesday, but probably not, as I am trying to be careful with my spenditure and I have uni at 9am on Thursday. And I'm going out on Saturday with the girls (totally super excited about this) and I think one night out a week is enough, for both my wallet and my liver.

Sam is currently out filming a documentary about a band he likes called Pharaohs. I'm really stoked for him that he's getting hands on with this stuff and going out and doing it for fun, not just for uni. It also makes me think I should start writing again - but seriously. As in try and get something vaguely publishable (made up words FTW) in the works. Or at least begin formulating an idea. Stay tuned, folks.

I am talking like an American cheerleader tonight. Also, in the past week I've said 'flipside' twice. I'm diseased.

P.S. You lot didn't appreciate the comics. Heretics.

OMG IT'S 4.18AM AND I'M STILL DOING THIS

LO-FUCKING-OL

I should probably go to sleep...

...but I've fallen back into my nightly hoursandhoursandhoursofreadingquestionablecontent.

I probably just woke my housemates up reading the above. I lolled a lot.

And now I'm think about dogs. They're, like, y'know. Fuzzy.

OH EM GEE

I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE. NEED. IT.

I'm an idiot.

Sometimes I really despair of myself. I've got a lovely boy who I adore and yesterday I go all funny with him because it's all getting so serious and scary. Oooh, I'm in a successful relationship, isn't it awful blah blah blah. So he got me good and drunk and let me beat him at pool and we had a nice big talk and went to bed and fell asleep in each others arms and it was all lovely.

He's going to see Derren Brown with his ex girlfriend soon though. This made me feel a little bit weird when I found out. His mum bought tickets for her, my boy, herself and the boy's sister months ago, before he and his ex broke up. They're all still going together. I dont mind really, I mean, I'm not threatened or worried he'll go back to her or anything, I know he loves me. I just feel a bit...left out? That sounds ridiculous. Like, they're all having a family outing and I'm not invited. It makes me feel a bit sad.

At the same time, I feel like the bad guy. My boy and his ex spoke a lot after they broke up, but when he and I got together officially she deleted him from the internet, didn't call him, etc, because him having someone else was too painful for her. Now, this time last year, my ex Craig had recently got with his current girlfriend, just months after us breaking up. I was DEVASTATED. So I know how she must feel, and I don't like that it's my fault she's unhappy. I feel like the other woman. I know I haven't done anything wrong really, but it still feels horrible in my tummy.

Anyway. Happier things. It's the weekend, hurrah! Well, I say hurrah, I'm not doing anything exciting. Uni work, have a clear out, tidy up a bit, sleep. I would watch films but my bloody DVD player has gone kaput. Am annoyed about that.

I'm applying for a job as Student Ambassador at uni. Good pay, lots of experience, great way to meet new people. Paul, my boss at the Student Union, said he'd give me a good reference. I'm hoping that the fact I already work for KUSU (Kingston University Student Union) will put me in good stead to secure a position. Wish me luck!

Is it wrong to fancy a cartoon?

I used to read Questionable Content religiously. Literally, i used to sit and read the backlog for hours and hours on end, well into the night. I was addicted. However, I haven't done so for about a year, and I think I might start again.

I have a massive crush on Martin. I don't care if this makes me weird.

*sigh*

I have to go to work in a bit. I'm completely not in the mood. Am all snotty and the football is on tonight. Cue a load of drunk boys.

I love Johnny Cash today.

Blink 1-ashoooo.

I have a cold. it's rubbish. I've only just shifted the last one. For tea tonight I am going to eat nothing but vegetables to make myself better. Vitamins, yo.

So, Blink 182 are making a comeback. As if that wasn't inevitable, people!! The question was never if they were going to get back together, but surely which Blink 182 was going to appear: the pop-punkers of ten years ago or the more mature band of 2003 who released 'Feeling This'?

There are arguments for and against, I know. Should they return as the latter - a darker, mature version of themselves - I suppose it would be apt, as they ARE a more mature version of themselves; a decade has passed after all - but personally, I'm hoping for the return of toilet humour and bad language.

I'm willing to bet that I'm one of few who think the comeback is a good idea, let alone a comeback as their former selves. I was reading the Punktastic blog and Savage said "The former would be a nice blast of nostalgia, but that’s it. 35 year old men singing naughty songs full of swear words? Purrrlease." However, he also said: "‘Dude Ranch’ and ‘Enema…’ are two classic pop-punk records which influenced an entire generation of kids. Without Blink I’d hazard a guess that NFG and The Starting Line would never have existed." My thought of it is - if they changed the lives of so many people then, and influenced so many musicians and inspired kids to start their own bands, why can't they do it again?

Sure, it can be said that they simply became unfashionable, hence moving in the darker direction they did. But pop-punk is becoming 'fashionable' now. The kids love it. But with shitty bands like Paige about, surely pop-punk needs a proverbial kick up the bum? Perhaps, and maybe I'm being naive here, perhaps Blink could do that?

And yeah, I see the argument that Blink have become older. It won't be as funny when they start a gig off with a tirade of swear words. But there must be a balance. The energetic punk songs of before, with lyrics to get you thinking - that reflect their development and maturity as people? I mean, they were sort of half way there with 'Going Away to College' or 'Adam's Song'. Sure, they were singing about the problems they had as teens, but problems don't go away when you get older - I'm sure there's still plenty of stuff that the old fans could relate to, as well as a new generation.

Then again, I don't know anything about music, really. I'm just being hopeful.

I Feel An Obsession Coming On

Every now and again I'll develop a fascination for a particular topic, generally something that has happened in history (for example, when I read 'The Odyssey', I suddenly felt a need to purchase as many books as I could about Greek and Roman Mythology, and when I read 'The Other Boleyn Girl' I spent hours researching the Tudors online). And it seems as I have a new topic!

I've been reading and analysing some poems for my lecture tomorrow afternoon. One of them was Ted Hughes' 'Daffodils'. In order to understand it better I did some research into his life, which was absolutely fascinating.

Ted Hughes went to university in Cambridge, and in 1956 a party was thrown to celebrate the launch of a magazine that he and his friends had started. At the party, he met Sylvia Plath (American poet, notably famous for her singular novel 'The Bell Jar')...and four months later, they were married. They lived quite happily in the United States until 1959 when, upon learning Plath was pregnant, they located back to England (they had two children, Frieda and Nicholas). They lived in London before moving to North Tawton in Devon (bizarrely, this is where my mum lives!). They rented their London home to a couple named Assia and David Wevill, and Ted promptly began an affair with Assia. He later wrote a poem that said:

We didn't find her - she found us.

She sniffed us out.

She sat there

Slightly filthy with erotic mystery.

I saw the dreamer in her

Had fallen in love with me and she did not know it.

That moment the dreamer in me

Fell in love with her, and I soon knew it.

I thought this was quite romantic, even if he was a cheating wanker. Anyway.

The marriage grew difficult, especially when Plath had a miscarriage. Before long, the affair between Wevill and Hughes was public knowledge, and they were not even trying to keep it a secret.

Eventually, one day, Plath sealed her children in their rooms for their safety, before turning on the gas oven, and placing her head into it. She was found later that morning, dead, by the au pair.

At the time of her suicide, Wevill was pregnant with Hughes' child. She aborted this child, presumably due to the timing. Hughes moved her into a house in Devon (not the one where Plath committed suicide) and she cared for his children, even though she was still technically married to David. She then had a child with Hughes, a daughter named Alexandra Tatiana Elise. She was nicknamed Shura. Hughes never actually publicly declared that Shura was his child.

However, Hughes' friends and family all ostracized Wevill, perhaps because she was a contributing factor to Plath's suicide, and she herself was worried Hughes was being unfaithful. In fact, he did reportedly have various other affairs, including a nurse whom he married years later. She was desperately unhappy.

In 1969, Assia Wevill dragged a mattress into the kitchen and sealed the room - spookily imitating Plath's actions. She laid her four-year-old daughter down on the mattress, turned the gas oven on, laid down next to her daughter and waited for them both to die.

It's such a devastatingly beautiful yet haunting story. I will soon be buying as many books as I can get my hands on all about his life, as well as reading all his poems.

This is the poem that started this all off, if you are interested. When you know his background - and therefore that the story is about Plath, and the daughter mentioned is Freida - it's so sad.


Daffodils
Remember how we picked the daffodils?
Nobody else remembers, but I remember.
Your daughter came with her armfuls, eager and happy,
Helping the harvest. She has forgotten.
She cannot even remember you. And we sold them.
It sounds like sacrilege, but we sold them.
Were we so poor? Old Stoneman, the grocer,
Boss-eyed, his blood-pressure purpling to beetroot
(It was his last chance,
He would die in the same great freeze as you) ,
He persuaded us. Every Spring
He always bought them, sevenpence a dozen,
'A custom of the house'.

Besides, we still weren't sure we wanted to own
Anything. Mainly we were hungry
To convert everything to profit.
Still nomads-still strangers
To our whole possession. The daffodils
Were incidental gilding of the deeds,
Treasure trove. They simply came,
And they kept on coming.
As if not from the sod but falling from heaven.
Our lives were still a raid on our own good luck.
We knew we'd live forever. We had not learned
What a fleeting glance of the everlasting
Daffodils are. Never identified
The nuptial flight of the rarest epherma-
Our own days!
We thought they were a windfall.
Never guessed they were a last blessing.
So we sold them. We worked at selling them
As if employed on somebody else's
Flower-farm. You bent at it
In the rain of that April-your last April.
We bent there together, among the soft shrieks
Of their jostled stems, the wet shocks shaken
Of their girlish dance-frocks-
Fresh-opened dragonflies, wet and flimsy,
Opened too early.

We piled their frailty lights on a carpenter's bench,
Distributed leaves among the dozens-
Buckling blade-leaves, limber, groping for air, zinc-silvered-
Propped their raw butts in bucket water,
Their oval, meaty butts,
And sold them, sevenpence a bunch-

Wind-wounds, spasms from the dark earth,
With their odourless metals,
A flamy purification of the deep grave's stony cold
As if ice had a breath-

We sold them, to wither.
The crop thickened faster than we could thin it.
Finally, we were overwhelmed
And we lost our wedding-present scissors.

Every March since they have lifted again
Out of the same bulbs, the same
Baby-cries from the thaw,
Ballerinas too early for music, shiverers
In the draughty wings of the year.
On that same groundswell of memory, fluttering
They return to forget you stooping there
Behind the rainy curtains of a dark April,
Snipping their stems.

But somewhere your scissors remember. Wherever they are.
Here somewhere, blades wide open,
April by April
Sinking deeper
Through the sod-an anchor, a cross of rust.

Ted Hughes

Makes you glad to be alive

Read this on the BBC News site. What an absolute star that man was.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7874266.stm

Puts many things in perspective. In short, life goes by so quickly; don't waste it.

I <3 Books

Sam came back from the Leighfield gig last night super drunk. He declared he loved me, informed me he was going to Bacchus, and then passed out. I lolled.

Got up about two today as I am a lazy bastard, got ready and went into London. Bounds Green, specifically. Had a meal with my aunt, uncle and four cousins and then we all went to The Latymer School, where Katie (eldest cousin) was in a school jazz concert raising money for the music department. She played the clarinet and sang, and was the most talented one there, clearly. I was slightly alarmed at how attractive some of the boys were though, I'm sure I shouldn't be perving on school boys, even if they are in Year 12 and are 17, hence only three years younger than me. Ick.

Ice and I have been getting all over excited this evening by looking on the internet at what sort of places are available in our price range. By the looks of things, we are going to be able to get a two bedroom place with large living room for less than a grand a month, which between three of us works out remarkably good value. Some of the places are really nice, too, and in our ideal location. I might get a cat to go with my fish. Also, as Sam goes to New Noise every other Wednesday, Ice and I are going to make that an official date night for us and take over the living room. Paint our nails, watch SATC, drink wine, gossip, eat chocolate. It will be brilliant. Almost worth making Sam go out more often.

I started reading 'Twilight' by Stephenie Meyer on the train today. I meant t read it before I saw the film, but things worked out opposite. I am enjoying it a lot! Have also started 'Lady Chatterly's Lover' by D.H. Lawrence which I'm going to really enjoy. I just finished reading Oscar Wilde's play 'The Importance of being Earnest', which I REALLY loved. I studied 'A Woman of No Importance' at A-Level and enjoyed that, which prompted me to read this one. I also read his one and only novel a few weeks ago, 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'. I was sort of disappointed. I did like it, but I definitely think he's better at writing plays! I'm going to have to stop reading things for fun now though as uni kicks back in and I have required reading.

Speaking of that, tomorrow I am going to be a good girl and start reading what I need to for this term. I read '4.48 Psychosis' by Sarah Kane the other afternoon, so that's one down. It was good, although I sort of felt she was writing about herself (after research I found out she was depressed herself) which made it seem kinda overly self-indulgent and a bit pretentious. I read this amazing quote about it that made me do a LOL, by Michael Billington of The Guardian: "How on earth do you award aesthetic points to a 75-minute suicide note?". I thought that was quite well said.

Anyway. Off to read. Night. x

Can you tell I'm bored?

Basically, I'm hungover to shit and terribly bored. I am meant to be at the Fighting Cocks right now (an 'alternative' pub/venue in the town that I live) watching Luke Leighfield, Sam Isaac, Jose Vanders and mistakes.in.animation. But Sam and I and some friends went to New Slang last night to see Friendly Fires and I started the night with a double Jager-bomb, bought so thoughtfully for me by Sam. So I spent this afternoon being sick and trying to ensure my head didn't explode and still feel awful now, and it's twenty to bloody nine. Anyway, Sam's gone and I am bored. Hence, writing this, even though no one will ever read it. At least it's passing the time.

So, who am I? Lucy Williams - student, binge drinker, reader of books. I live in Kingston, Greater London (debatable), England, United Kingdom, The World, The Universe. I study English Lit and journalism at uni. I work in the SU bar. I have a boyfriend named Sam. I like bacon sandwiches. I'm pretty boring, just your average person.

Life is pretty awesome at the moment, aside from this hangover. I'm enjoying uni, and I love my job. I have plans to move in with my best friend and my boyfriend in September. It's a bit mad; Sam and I have only been together officially for a few months, but it feels so right and I can't wait to live with him. Course, it'll probably all go wrong, but I'm living in the moment or whatever. As it stands, I am madly in love with him, and (I hope) he feels the same. We're getting a fish and everything. That's commitment, that is. Also, bed shopping in Ikea will be awesome.

I haven't really got anything to say; this didn't really amuse me for as long as I hoped it would. I might start writing regularly in here. Then again, I'll probably forget all about it. If youre reading this totally comment or something. Who even reads these things?