Sometimes I really despair of myself. I've got a lovely boy who I adore and yesterday I go all funny with him because it's all getting so serious and scary. Oooh, I'm in a successful relationship, isn't it awful blah blah blah. So he got me good and drunk and let me beat him at pool and we had a nice big talk and went to bed and fell asleep in each others arms and it was all lovely.
He's going to see Derren Brown with his ex girlfriend soon though. This made me feel a little bit weird when I found out. His mum bought tickets for her, my boy, herself and the boy's sister months ago, before he and his ex broke up. They're all still going together. I dont mind really, I mean, I'm not threatened or worried he'll go back to her or anything, I know he loves me. I just feel a bit...left out? That sounds ridiculous. Like, they're all having a family outing and I'm not invited. It makes me feel a bit sad.
At the same time, I feel like the bad guy. My boy and his ex spoke a lot after they broke up, but when he and I got together officially she deleted him from the internet, didn't call him, etc, because him having someone else was too painful for her. Now, this time last year, my ex Craig had recently got with his current girlfriend, just months after us breaking up. I was DEVASTATED. So I know how she must feel, and I don't like that it's my fault she's unhappy. I feel like the other woman. I know I haven't done anything wrong really, but it still feels horrible in my tummy.
Anyway. Happier things. It's the weekend, hurrah! Well, I say hurrah, I'm not doing anything exciting. Uni work, have a clear out, tidy up a bit, sleep. I would watch films but my bloody DVD player has gone kaput. Am annoyed about that.
I'm applying for a job as Student Ambassador at uni. Good pay, lots of experience, great way to meet new people. Paul, my boss at the Student Union, said he'd give me a good reference. I'm hoping that the fact I already work for KUSU (Kingston University Student Union) will put me in good stead to secure a position. Wish me luck!
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Don't worry Lucy! It's completely okay and normal to feel the way you do.
ReplyDeleteWhen I move to London we're going to the house where Sylvia Plath killed herself and taking photos of ourselves like the nerdy literature students we are.
I literally cannot think of anything I would rather do. We should take mini ovens with us too, and take hilarious photos of us trying to get our heads in them.
ReplyDeleteTasteless, thy name is Lucy.